At Home On Stage
There are two things I told God I would never be. “A politician or a pastor.”
Funny how God always works though. I stood right next to my pastor and preached my testimony on stage at my home church, and I felt right at home.
I feel very unqualified to speak on many topics. But there is one thing I am confident talking about. That is God.
To hear my testimony and this particular service, click the YouTube video link HERE.
To give you a backstory to this day on Sunday, February 23rd, our church was closing on a series on a message of “faith and the power in prayer.” I’ve told my story to many and they’ve asked if I ever spoke on stage and when I replied “no,” they said, I should one day. Well, this was the day. After speaking on stage at our sister church in Yokohama, Japan, it was now my turn to do it in Honolulu at Cityside where our family attends and then at main campus, where it all began.
I’ll never forget this experience of being greeted with a lei, rushed to the green room by security, and briefed by Pastor Norman, then walking with him to the front row of the congregation. Worshiping right next to my pastor and being helped up on stage by more security and provided snacks for in between services in the back. It was unbelievable hospitality that I would imagine only celebrities often receive.
I remember thinking, I am nobody. I am just honored to be here and Pastor Norman looked at me in the eyes and said, “No Erin. You are a public figure.” I’ll never forget that. It was the first time, anyone had addressed me in that way. Was I?
All I know is before going on stage, I really started doubting. Who am I to speak to all of these people? A total of close to 1,500 in one weekend and another 600 in the other weekend for a total of 5 services. Would they like what I say? What will they think of me? I’m so nervous. What if I fall backwards off of the stool or trip on these pretty pants that I always trip on, but really wanted to wear. I was seriously consumed with planning in my head how I would laugh at myself and gracefully stand up after the fall.
And then, the worship team sang, “Way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper, light in the darkness. My God, that is who you are.” It was in that moment I felt tears streaming down my face as I pushed through what felt like was being inside a huge storm cloud of fear and it was being lifted as I sang each verse until it was gone. This was it. I was about to go live, everything was going to be recorded then archived on the Internet, and I was about to hold the mic on stage with bright lights, cameras, and everyone looking at me.
And you know what? As soon as I made it up the steps (thankfully I didn’t trip), I felt totally alive. I felt totally at home on stage. I spoke. I cried. I laughed. The delivery of the message changed slightly with each group and the prayer at the end changed as well. When I let my guard down and just let God, the Holy Spirit entered and did something in the hearts of the people. So much so, that women (and a couple of men) waited for me at the end of service for long periods of time for the chance to talk to me and “thank me.” Something I myself had done numerous times at other events with other speakers. And here I was, being the speaker now.
I just knew at that moment, that this is what I am meant to do. I came off of the stage, looked at Chris, who had tears in his eyes and was so proud of me, and told him, “I feel so alive.” This is my purpose. This is my calling. This is what I was born to do.
“So be a pastor,” Chris said. Hmmm….I think I’ll pray about that a little more.
Why do I even write this as a blog? Because I don’t want to forget this opportunity I had been waiting for, for about 8 years. I don’t want to forget how I felt before and how I was filled with fear and doubt. And then how I felt when I got up and did it. I don’t want to forget the lessons learned, the opportunity, and the hope I have at this very moment…even if it’s to become a pastor one day!