Overcoming Fear
I was recently asked to speak at the first inaugural Women Entrepreneurs Conference put on by Central Pacific Bank.
When they asked me which topic I’d like to speak on ranging from “Marketing” and “Social Capital” which I love to “Overcoming Fear,” my instant thought was, “Well not that last one.” Which was then followed by a little tug at my heart saying, “Oh yeah. Of course THAT is THE one.”
And so I signed myself up for “Overcoming Fear” so that I may overcome some of my fears in the process.
I was honestly feeling pretty good like I don’t have TOO many fears, until I realized, I actually have A TON OF FEARS!
So have I overcome my fears? Some, but some keep reappearing and I have to keep fighting those battles. My greatest fear is sometimes overcoming the battle in my own head.
So here’s a list of the questions I received that I may get asked and my first responses to each one without putting too much thought into them. I didn’t want to let fear creep in and change my answers so typed them out quickly below:
What’s your spirit animal or describe yourself in no more than 5 words:
Spirit animal? Never been asked that. I suppose our logo bird, a koa`e `ula. They are powerful and graceful and fly great distances. I hope to always have God’s power and grace, and be able to share my story with the world.
I am curious, creative, ambitious, faithful, and cuddly.
What are some of your fears or insecurities on entrepreneurship?
Not making enough money to support my team and their families and my own family. (In some years, I remember crying to myself wondering if we would have enough money to make it after a couple of months and look for anything lying around that I could sell right now for some cash flow. I remember even asking my family if we had a rich uncle that I didn’t know about! Nope.)
Have you faced any challenges as a female leader / boss / entrepreneur? How did you overcome ?
Absolutely!
Being a full time working mom raising a family is always on your mind and so is building or maintaining your own business. It’s a lot of demand and can get overwhelming with not enough time.
I’ve found a rhythm that works for me and have to remind myself this is my life, not the world’s or someone else’s. Finding the routines that help keep me grounded and dancing between both is what makes me better both at work and at home. Those titles are choices and a privledge so looking at them from that perspective has empowered me to do what really matters in both areas of life in a way that I can stand by. What’s still hard is not comparing myself to others or not worrying about what others might think and expect.
What are some of your limiting beliefs (if any) on money and wealth accumulation?
I am afraid of becoming too big, too rich, or too powerful, I will be more susceptible to pride or entitlement or I will lose my like we see others have online and on the news. I’m afraid I may lose time with what really matters to me like family and friends and being who I truly am. I am still praying through this and wondering if maybe I’m not too big or too rich because I still have yet things to learn to keep me in check just in case that opportunity knocks, I will be wise enough to respond.
Is imposter syndrome a reality for you ?
I’m not sure. I had to look up what imposter syndrome is and according to the definition of “doubting your abilities and feeling like a fraud.” I do doubt my abilities, but I don’t feel like a fraud because I’ve always been honest about not knowing everything, about having made so many mistakes, and about being afraid even going forward. I do get caught up though in the feelings that I am not as worthy as another person when I start comparing and that’s when I forget that we will always be deserving in some eyes and not in others and we have to focus on what is deserving for me.
For example, I was having one of those days, you know those days, and I found myself comparing my body to that of Miss Universe. I mean, I don’t train like her, eat like her, and sacrifice like her and don’t see the grind she goes through, just the highlight and I forgot and told my husband in a whiny voice “I’m not Miss Universe.” And he was like, “Uh yeah, but would you want to be?”
Do you have any fears / insecurities or challenges about working in a small island state like Hawaii ?
Yes! I always wonder, “What happens when we run out of people on the island who know who we are or are tired of eating our chocolates or what if everyone goes on a diet?” I have a freshly made perishable product, with a shelf life, that’s not easy to ship, and so we rely on a lot of locals and visitors to come to us!
What are your thoughts on the ever shifting technology landscape? Does Chat GPT , AI or the metaverse scare or inspire you ?
My thought is I don’t even know all these things and should I be scared? I was Googling these things myself because I know that things I don’t know, scare me and once you know, it can sometimes inspire you to find a way to work with it, around it, or offer something the opposite of it. So I immediately go to “What do I need to know and how will this affect me” because everything affects us. It’s not “Will this…” but “How will this affect us” because we are all interconnected and living on the same Earth. (Eg: I write all my own content so the AI reminds me it can’t write authentically what it hasn’t experienced in real life on its own, so I need to focus on what AI can’t replace - The real experiences, relationships, and human connections, that I, Erin, and the other people around me, can have.)
What would you have told your 18- 25 year old self on the cusp of entrepreneurship ?
It’s a journey, so make the little repetitive things you do daily count, focus on what matters, take God and others with you for the ride, and please have some dang fun girl!
Do you have a fear of failing or taking risks or the fear of uncertainty or not being good enough?
Yes, yes, sort of and yes. The fear of failing is I think always there, but inevitable and part of growing so I try to learn as much as I can from others and their mistakes. Risks are part of it too.
Taking risks is scary because my upbringing is you don’t spend, what you don’t have and to live a modest life. So for me, trying to make something from nothing, was unfamiliar territory that I didn’t see anyone close in my family do.
Uncertainty sometimes can actually be exciting because it means I have the opportunity to create and explore and learn and I think that is why some people are wired to be entrepreneurs & explorers. I am more afraid of never making a difference, knowing everything, and not having anything to learn.
The fear of not being good enough is always somewhere in my mind from being a chocolatier with no culinary training and clumsy hands to a business owner who had so many things to learn on demand, I sometimes never feel good enough. But isn’t that in itself good? Then we know that we can always grow and this life will continuously be exciting and evolving?
How do you recognize your fears, manage your fears, and grow from them?
I know I’m afraid when I start making excuses. Once I hear myself saying “Oh I can’t or I don’t think…” (eg: Jiu Jitsu being beaten by girls) I know that going in that direction is moving out of my comfort zone.
I manage it with my routines that keep me grounded like my early morning routine of reading The Bible, reading, journaling, praying, and spending real time without technology or the world, or even my family, just me and God. I am continuously reflecting on my values and understanding that some things don’t make sense or I don’t have the answer yet, or I’ll never be ready, but I have to have faith and when I start moving in a direction, I can grow from there. It’s like shining the light with your cell phone, but only seeing the next step and not knowing how many steps there are or what’s at the top or if there is even a top, but just taking one step.
An example of this in my business is hiring. Though hiring can be great, it’s a huge financial responsibility and messing up with people is the worst kind of mess up I think I can make. I am scared to hire the wrong people and not be able to afford them or the dynamic messes up the culture that we worked so hard to build etc. But I’ve also found that without other people, we can’t grow. And sometimes we don’t realize someone else can do it so much better, can make your business better, and it frees you up to grow in a new way.
(Eg: I am hoping to hire a social media/marketing/sales person which is basically someone who does my job so have to make sure they understand my vision and the company and the team and our people, and hold a grip on that and also loosen my grip that a lot of the work I love and find easy, won’t be mine anymore which means I have to move into another area of work that will be hard again.)
Who helps you overcome your fears?
My kids. They are not afraid. They don’t yet know the consequences of some choices or the realities of the darkness in this world and they see a lot of good. As I age, I notice I have become more skeptical about things, I don’t trust as easily, and I question people’s motives.
Kids give me hope for more faith than fear. They believe anything is possible and it reminds me of how I once thought before I grew up. (Eg: When I told my daughter I was trying to figure out how to pay all my bills, she gave me a penny and told me now, no matter what happens, I will always have one penny.)
A great podcast I love to listen to to hype me up and set me straight is “Straight Up” by Trent Shelton
What’s a fear you have right now?
Not being able to keep up with my kids. I’ve become less active and they are becoming more active and my daughter is a better swimmer than me and my son and I have little interest in common so I just joined adult swim classes to keep up with my daughter and adult tennis to play with my son and trying to hike and workout to keep up with my very athletic and active husband whose all of his interests are intense and outdoors. For myself, I returned to adult dance classes so that’s a fear of facing myself and realizing what I could do and what I could no longer do and still accept this body and be grateful for what she can do. Trying the new things don’t scare me as much as not having tried and gradually being left behind. I want to live a full life with my kids and husband AND one that’s my own and that means getting off my butt, which is much more comfortable sometimes, and getting to enjoying all of it…not just an end result, but the daily grind and growth too.
What fear do you have in business right now?
I really want to diversify or start a second business, but like the beginning of Choco le`a or my previous business, there’s a lot of time that has to go into it now before I may see any fruit from it for another 3-5 years. This second business also has no physical product but a service and it’s hard to explain so when you are not ready to share the dream with others because you yourself can’t yet explain it, it’s hard to have others embrace it.
What I do know, is that in order for this to happen down the road, I have so much more work to put into my current business to make sure it can continue and grow beyond me for generations to come.
My fear is not having enough time to do all the things I want to do so am trying to take it in chunks of 10 years at a time planning to live to 100, but also enjoying as if I will only live for another 10.
What is your greatest fear?
My greatest fear is that I will miss it. The blessings and calling that God has for my life, was always here and available if I just was myself, unafraid of what the world would think and stopped so much focusing on pleasing others to focus on pleasing the one and ones that matter.
Last thing I’ll say is, be afraid of getting to the end of this life and not recognizing yourself, the people around you, or the life you have lived. Be afraid of not being completely who God created you to be and living life to the full.
What’s one way we can conquer our fears now?
Authentically love the other person and serve.
